We have all had the feeling of being angry at some time in our lives. This anger can range anywhere from being mildly irritated to experiencing out of control rage. Whatever the case, it is important to understand that anger is quite normal. In fact it is a very healthy human emotion when handled properly. It can become destructive, though, when it I veers out of control. This can lead to problems in your life and it can affect every area of your life including your personal relationships, your work and even how you view yourself. When your anger has control of you, it can leave you feeling helpless and out of control. When you understand the components of anger, though, you can begin to get a handle on this powerful emotion.
An Explanation of Anger
Like love, happiness and sadness, anger is an emotion. It can be experienced in varying degrees from slightly irritating to uncontrollable fury. When a person experiences anger, just as with other emotions, they experience changes in the body. These changes, biological and physiological in nature, include increased heart rate, increased adrenaline and increased blood pressure. Some people may become flushed, short of breath and even dizzy.
You can become angry at a situation, an event or a person. It is a natural response to threats and a natural response to anger is aggression. This is a primal tendency, but necessary for survival. The problem comes in how some people express their anger. When you are unable to express your anger in a constructive manner, it can create a lot of problems.
Ways that we Express Anger
Typically, the knee jerk reaction to anger is aggression. Many people's first instinct is to lash out at the offending person or situation. This stems from the basic "fight or flight" instincts that we share will all animals. Sometimes, though, lashing out is counterproductive to what you wish to accomplish. There are three basic steps in which anger should be handled: express, suppress and calm. It is the expressing part that gets some people into trouble. While anger should be expressed, some folks take it to another level with severe aggression as opposed to controlled assertion. That is where the situation spirals out of control and the suppression and calming part go right out the window. That is when the destruction begins.
Do you have a Problem with your Anger?
Answer yes or no to these 25 questions to determine whether or not you may have a problem with your anger. If you answer yes to 10 or more questions, you have an anger management problem and should seek the help of a professional. A score of 5-9 indicates a normal reaction to anger while a score of 4 or below is a lower than normal reaction to anger.
1. I fly into a rage quite easily.
2. I get very irritated at people who don't act the way that they should or who act like they have no common sense.
3. I don't usually express my anger, but when I do it is explosive.
4. My temper has caused problems for me at work.
5. When I am frustrated about something I don't handle it well, I can't seem to put it out of my mind.
6. Some people are scared of me because of my bad temper.
7. When I get very angry or upset about something is usually feel ill afterward with a headache, stomachache, diarrhea, nausea or weakness.
8. There are times that I feel so alone, isolated and hurt that I want to kill myself.
9. When I think of bad or mean things that people did to me in my past, I still get angry.
10. Often, when I get angry, I say things that I later regret (name calling, saying mean things, etc.)
11. Quite often I have trusted people and they have let me down. This has left me feeling betrayed, hurt and angry.
12. When I lose control of my emotions, I feel angry at myself.
13. Some nights I lie awake and think about bad things that happened to me throughout the day, things that upset me.
14. Waiting for people or waiting in line really gets on my nerves.
15. I often hate myself after I argue with someone.
16. There are times that I have been so angry that I could not remember what I did or what I said.
17. When someone does something or says something that upsets or angers me I don't typically do or say anything about it at the time. However, I do spend a great deal of time later thinking of smart remarks, cutting responses and things that I should have and could have said.
18. I tend to want to get even with people who frustrate me or hurt me.
19. I have a very hard time forgiving someone who has wronged me.
20. There are times when I have been angry enough to kill.
21. I have a tendency to have very intense arguments with people who are the closest to me.
22. There are times that I get or have gotten so angry that I become physically violent by breaking things or hitting people.
23. I get depressed when things don't go the way that I want them to.
24. When I am feeling hurt, frustrated or angry I use food, alcohol or drugs to comfort myself.
25. I am aware that I am a very angry person and that I need help in learning how to manage my anger because my temper has already caused problems with my relationships or work.
How to Manage your Anger
If counting to ten, deep breathing, meditation and other relaxing techniques aren't working for you then an anger management class could help you. You can find a good anger class online and work through your anger issues in the comfort of your own home. If anger is taking its toll on your life and creating problems for you at home, work or school, then it is time to take action. Anger does not have to rule you, you can get control and be happy.
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